It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
