I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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