we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
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