mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
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