You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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