dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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