my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
