She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize