Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
