i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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