Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
