the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I cut my penus on the lid.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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