Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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