yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
