Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
