I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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