just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
