I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
