The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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