My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
