we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My vagina just recognized that song.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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