The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
