I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
