Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
