I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
