38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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