At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
