Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
