DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
