Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
