Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
