Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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