dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
