who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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