my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
