yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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