You really coming over, don't trick.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
