He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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