that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize