No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
