i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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