i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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