Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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