Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
