you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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