walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
