can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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