If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
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