I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
