Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
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