between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
