2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
