So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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