Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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