remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
