You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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