I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
