So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Randomize
