my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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