Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
