Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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