my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
