If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
