last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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