I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
