you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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