Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
